Frederick

My Darling Frederick,

I write to you from the heart of the Trump Casino, bearing the unfortunate news that I am with child. You needn't write to me. I fully understand that a gentleman of your status would dishonor his family name by marrying beneath him.

In exchange for my silence regarding the lineage of my child, I hope that you will grant me a few allowances.

One: It is important that seven jars of orange marmalade are delivered to my rooms semiannually.

Two: I would like a steady supply of ballpoint pens.

Three: I shall never touch a piece of cotton again in my life.

I have every confidence that we shall reach an amicable agreement.


Regards,
Your Aunt Calgary